♥ Saturday, March 29, 2008.
HEYY PEEPS!iim sorry tat im BACK for like sooo damn longggg.coz damn busy with chionging my workk andd persuade myself to let go.before i elaborate on thingys,i shall reply taggies 1st.replyy taggies!siying: PAISEH! so long didnt post..x)han en: VISIT MOREE!! :Dyou-know-who: iim leaving everything to urself..but if u got anithing or probs u wan come to me,pls prepare for harsh comments..coz ur stubborn..i dont care if u hate me for making things so mean..i will resort to all means to wake u up..but iim glad that it's okay nw..at least to me.wendy: HAHA.ii tryy nt to be emo bahhs! andd RELINKEDD! sarah: RELINKEDD! hahas..okoks..thnks for telling!joanne: hmmms..if u wan me help u,can tell me ur acc? i help u go inside edit.rachel: THANKS for taggin! HAHAA..iim a typical t-drama ppl..i almost know all of the latest t-dramas ndd korean shows..but i onli watch shows which sounded interesting to me.hahas..u got ani drama duno de can come ask me..im damn efficient in looking for OSTs andd shows info.. :Dokayyys..endd of replyyingg taggies.!hmms..im okayy frm my sore throat nnd fever le.but still nid take care..coz my flu still here..haiis.as mention above,i nid to persuade myyself.i've got a news.but is late news laa.IM NOT A PREFECT ANYMORE..I GOT SACKED.pls dun ask me why.andd those people who are with ties ARE GOING to be INVESTED in speech day.those people who were once a prefect but without tie now,ARE SACKED.understanddd?SO STOP ASKING ME WHEN U SEE ME.u will onli make me think that u are brainless.nxt;AS U GUYS CAN SEE.IM CRAZY OVER DEATH NOTE andd L.Lawliet/ryuuzaki.hahaahas..he's hot andd cool andd shuai!okokokokokok..i'll stop.napfa is coming nd i haben even started my training.coz i skipped 2 pe sessions.IM NOT PAIKIA CAN?im siickk laaaa!ohh yarr..i've juz finished packing my camp items.IM GOING FOR SEC 2 CAMP AT CHANGI!cool huh? got mud play,kayak,new high elements.total is 3 days 2 nights.IM SOOOOO EXCITED but SOOOO NOT EXCITED.in simple,MIXED EMOTIONS.myy emotions were sumhow affect by different ppl but in the same wayy.i nt grarentee that i will enjoy the camp that i've hoping for.im not reali in the right state of mind now.so if i got anyy weird actions or speech,pls pardon me.coz im trying to adjust myself for sth..i oso duno wad isit.IM AM NOT IN THE RIGHT STATE OF MIND NOW.so pls take note.i've realised.he's toying me again.NVM.he toy me,i toy him backk.andd i juz toyed him.HAHA.shant elaborate.im getting more and more suicidal thoughts.i dont know why.i love blood,i love the pain that is left on me.i love being scolded,i love being alone.i hate to smile,i hate to laughi hate myself now,and i hate everything around me.im hating every single thing that i've done.i love every single suicidal thoughts i have.wadds wrong with me.i wan to let go.but yet i dun wan to let go.i hate letting go.i hate endds.i shouldnt have it in the 1st place.i shouldnt started in the 1st place.asss laaaa..im seriously wrong.andd pls..I HOPE NO ONE WOULD TRY AND TALK TO ME.coz i noe wad im doing.all i nid is time..but i dont have time..all i have is anxiety andd worries.all i have is tears andd bloodd.all i have is shattered dreams and hopes.WTH.fuckkk laaa.partially came frm camp and prefect,homework and of coz,stress.but i dont know where the stress came from.i dont know anything.so dont ask me anything.im in a maze now.fucckkk.my exams and streaming are coming.when will i start stepping forward?maybe i nid a person who i can rely on.i cant standd.i shall cut the damn crapp nw.WTH.so siiannnn laaaaaaa.i wan slp,but slp for wad!i dun wan do hmwk.so sian.i feel like toying him again..should i?coz he seems fun to me.i lost the basic human trust in him.basic trust between humans is lost.i cnt even trust him a bit..but he's fun to me.his reaction's funny.maybe toying him will be so much fun.hahas.im sick.i know.coz im having suicidal thoughts now.im dangerous.as i said.suicidal thoughts harms but not able to think through kills.the place i can onli screammmmmm isin the bottom of my heart,the back of my mind.the other side of me,the dark side of me.the other side of me is coming out.who can stop her from overtaking my mind?she is devouring my mind bit by bit.im getting more and more dangerous.hahaas.hope i can be myself again.coz im on mask.there's a sentence.if u had ur mask long,u will forget to put ur mask down.is tere a time where i can put my mask down?i dont know.i dont know anything.i dont want to know anything.i want to be out of this.i hate myself.i love dying.i love being suicidal.how isit like to jump down frm a building? i wonder.hahas.i will enjoyy myy camp bahh!i tryy..I WILL POST MORE.jiayous~im trying to let go.ALL I NEED IS TIME.Jinxiang.xD
